i’ve not done this in a while, but with my recent insomnia I can’t think of anything else. Its two weeks today since dad died, two weeks on and I still feel like I’m being punched in the chest. People keep telling me to keep my head up, but I’m struggling. Time might go on but that’ll never bring my dad back, and even though he’s no longer in pain I just wish he was here so he could tell me everything would be OK like he normally does. It amazes me that two weeks ago I was sat by his hospital bed and he was chatting away and now he’s gone forever. If you haven’t lost a parent there is no possible way for me to describe the hurt it brings. I’ve felt every emotion possible in the past two weeks; happy, sad, anxious, regret, anger, fear. I hate that death is a part of life and that it’s something we’re supposed to get used to. It felt just as rubbish when my gran and grampa died, but having to sit and watch the man who brought you into the world die is the absolute worst feeling ever. I’m in a weird place just now, I’m trying to get on with things and smile when I hear my dad’s name but it’s proving difficult. The only thing I have gotten from this is that I now feel that everything I do is for my dad, and for that reason I’m going to give every ounce of everything I’ve got to everything I do. Because I know daddy is watching over me and he wouldn’t want me to fall short. I  want to make him proud in everything I do. So its fair to say its not been the best start to the year, but things will get better in time. I’ve got some pretty amazing friends and family to help me through things and I will get back to being happy someday. But if you’re reading this please don’t take your parents for granted, try not to argue with them and appreciate every single thing they do for you. Life is far too short.